Loving you is a losing game. Still I carried, I carried, I carry on.

I've spent all of the love I saved

We were always a losing game
Small-town boy in a big arcade
I got addicted to a losing game

How many pennies in the slot?
Giving us up didn't take a lot
I saw the end 'fore it begun
Still I carried, I carried, I carry on 

- Duncan Laurence on Arcade

It is a sad entry. About him. About the love of my life. About Abang. From the first time we chatted, I knew it wont work between us. There was a huge divide between us. We fought a lot. We flirted with each other hard too. All I know, I wont be end up with him. He had zero chances to be in my heart.

Absence makes heart go ponder. There he was, slowly creeping into my heart. With his unnaturally kind way. Touching my heart when no one can. And makes me miss him terribly when he was away. Little did I know, this guy would kick every other guys that I ever interested in, out of my heart. Skip a few months, there he is. Sitting calmly in my heart. He became the love of my life. 

Just a few days after I finally said "I love you, too", he dropped a bomb. He was soon to be betrothed to his current wife. It was arranged by his mother without his knowledge and consent. Again, my world was crumbling down. That instant, I knew that loving him is a losing game. But I got addicted to loving him. I cant find any other guy that is as loving as he is. I knew it has no ending. Our story has no ending. 

I know this. And I still love him unconditionally. All I know, loving him made me happy. His love made me feel beautiful. Abang, if you are reading this, no matter what happen, you are always in my heart. You are the love of my life. And I have no regrets in knowing and loving you. You are the best love, the best experience I ever had. No man, no guy can love me the way you do. You will always be in my heart. 

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